The real problem I have with all this FB praise/prayer request garbage is this: it short-circuits our attention spans to REAL tragedies. Real tragedies don't go away with some Motrin and a Jesus band-aid. Real tragedies live on for a LONG time, the effects sometimes take YEARS to overcome. This doesn't play well with the "pray for me because I have a head-ache crowd." I'm not trying to criticize their faith, we are told to "pray without ceasing". However, I have personally experienced the short-attention span syndrome - from both sides.
Before my husband left, I avoided people I dubbed "Debbie Downers". We all know those folks that never seem to catch a break. Their children are perpetually sick, nothing serious, just always something. They can't pay their bills, and are always broke, borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. They can't seem to get a job/keep a job. The single mom that just can't ever get her house/car/life repaired. There always seems to be some drama brewing in the pot. Sometimes I would seek these people out just to make myself feel better about my situation. But mostly, I avoided them, because they ruined my picture that people that really follow Jesus don't struggle that much. So, if cornered by one of them, I would try to sneak away as quickly as possible with a murmered promise to "pray for them" and I would, sort of. I might throw in a "Lord, bless so and so because nothing ever seems to go right for them." - a half-hearted snarky prayer at best.
Then my husband left. I was faced with uncertaintly about everything. My life was black. I mean, so black that I literally counted the hours between waking and sleeping because sleep was the only respite I got thanks to some great pills. Black because there was nothing about my future that I could count on. Nothing. Black because he came back, only to leave again leaving my daughter and myself fully unsure of everything we ever knew. Black because how do you explain complicated adult screw-ups to precious children that don't deserve it? This went on for a year. A whole year of absolute uncertainty about tomorrow.
I learned a lot from this experience. While I never want to go back, I wouldn't trade it for anything either. First of all, I learned that no matter what, you can count on Jesus being there. He is the one that sustained me through all of the drama. I would not have made it without Him. Second, I gained an appreciation for all those "Debbie Downers" out there. Because some trauma's are REAL. They don't go away with a quick prayer and an Advil. Real traumas last for a lifetime. The people affected can't just put on their Jesus Band-Aid and get on with it, because they are constantly dealing with it.
Through my experience, very few people checked on me regularly. I became a "Debbie Downer". Not that I bemoaned my situation constantly, I didn't. If you asked me in passing how I was, I would always reply "Oh, I'm fine" even if I was very aware that I had ten hours between me and bedtime. But if you asked me, really asked me, how things were going, I would tell the truth. Most often it was, "I don't know, he said blah, blah, blah. I'm just relying on Jesus." Not perpetual downer stuff, just not chipper good news. The "pray for me I have a headache" crowd got tired of it - quick. I got the same brush off I had so often given myself - a lot. I was avoided -honestly I saw people at church change direction or look at me like a deer in the headlights if trapped. I'm so thankful my Jesus didn't act that way. I poured out my heart to Him, night after night, and He always listened and encouraged me.
I felt like something was wrong with me. I believed in Jesus, I was doing my best to follow Him, why wasn't this thing going away quickly? It's because life is hard. Really hard. Following Jesus doesn't mean your life will be perfect. It means you will face hardships, but you keep going. Our job as believers in Christ is not to avoid the unloveable/entrenched in drama crowd. Our job is to love them through it. No matter how long it takes.
The truth is, real tragedy lasts a lifetime. It doesn't go away quickly and easily. It doesn't work like that.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
This is my first post. Not very exciting stuff to report, just getting started and all. The purpose of this post if to force me to write today. I think I have a story to tell (as do all that attempt to communicate in this format), but I'm still a little shy about sharing my thoughts here (for all 2 of you that may or may not stumble upon this place). I hope that this place will be a diary of sorts for my thoughts, dreams and experiences called my life.
So here is what is on my mind today:
Empty words. I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. I thoroughly enjoy updates from dear friends, purusing pictures of friends, and reading interesting articles/thoughts from friends that I admire. However, I hate the mindless drivel that pours forth from some aquaintances of mine.
One person in particular got under my skin today. She is effussive with her praise of others. She is continually telling people how much she loves them/prays for them/enjoys their company. etc. She apparently is friends with most of the world, and hangs out with them all often. BLAH!
Except me of course. I am somehow devoid of praise/love/company worth enjoying. Honestly, it hurts my feelings. What kind of person ignores my obviously delightful spirit and doesn't appreciate my wit? Why am I so obviously unloveable by someone who apparently adores everyone within her sphere - except me? I used to really let this stuff give me a complex. I would sit and stew and think of ways to show this person how AWESOME I am and how worthy of her attention. Except, I never follow through. Because, honestly, it would take too much effort. But that doesn't stop it from hurting my feelings, because I am neurotic like that.
My enlightenment came through my husband (as it often does). He caught me in a "Woe is me" state of mind after reading her multiple FB posts of praise. He asked what was wrong with me and I explained that I am obviously faulty in some respect because I do not have the love and admiration of this ONE person. He looked at me thoughtfully for a second and said, "But honey, you don't LIKE her. You don't hang out with her because she annoys you. It would be different if you really admired her, but you don't."
I took this with some dignity and retorted, "I know I don't like her, but how dare she NOT LIKE ME??? I am worthy of love and friendship too! I want to be a "cool kid" just like all these other people she hangs out with constantly."
My beloved laughed. He honestly laughed! He said, "Honey, you aren't a "cool kid" because you don't care to be. It's not important to you. The only time you ever worry about having friends and hanging out with people is when you read her posts about all her friends. Otherwise, you don't care. You are an introvert. You don't need people to make you happy. You are happiest when you are with us (hubby and child) or reading a book, preferably both, but that doesn't happen often. If you honestly needed that many friends around you all the time, you would make an effort to do it, but you don't, because you don't really care!"
Shocking isn't it? I started to come up with some snappy retort, but he is right. I don't care. The only time I am jealous of all her friends and relationships is when she is bragging about it on FB. So why do I allow it to hurt my feelings? Neurotic.
I let it go for awhile, until today, when I started stewing again. I have noticed a pattern. This person effusively praises others, is constantly doling out love and encouragement, but is also constantly begging for it. She will post every minor bump in her road as if it is a TRAGEDY! Then she basks in all her friends replies of how much they love her/pray for her/enjoy her company etc. It's like a soap opera. She doles it to them, they give it back. Humph. Perhaps if I doled it out, it would come back to me.
Except, I don't, because it would take to much effort to keep up with all the everyday tragedies I read about on FB. I'm not talking about real tragedies, death, serious illness, loss of job, etc. I'm talking about the everyday, ordinary crap that EVERYONE on earth deals with. I mean, who needs to know that I have a headache, or junior has a cold, or my faucet is dripping? It's called life, we all deal with it. I don't feel the need to broadcast it or ask for prayers over it. Perhaps I should, but I figure, we are all wading knee deep in crap, do we really need to keep each other posted? Isn't it enough that I will pour out my heart before God for you in times of REAL need? If your child is seriously sick, I will walk with you and fervently pray for healing. If someone you love is dying, I will cry real tears and beg for His mercies on you and your loved one. If you lose your job, I will lift you up continually until the perfect job comes to fruition. But if your faucet leaks, call a plumber!
My husband says I should just de-friend her. That seems harsh. Besides, it would hurt her feelings. Actually, "she" is a composite of several aquaintances past and present. Most of the time, when I see their names, I don't even read their posts. I just skip them and go on to others to others of more interest to me.
So here is what is on my mind today:
Empty words. I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. I thoroughly enjoy updates from dear friends, purusing pictures of friends, and reading interesting articles/thoughts from friends that I admire. However, I hate the mindless drivel that pours forth from some aquaintances of mine.
One person in particular got under my skin today. She is effussive with her praise of others. She is continually telling people how much she loves them/prays for them/enjoys their company. etc. She apparently is friends with most of the world, and hangs out with them all often. BLAH!
Except me of course. I am somehow devoid of praise/love/company worth enjoying. Honestly, it hurts my feelings. What kind of person ignores my obviously delightful spirit and doesn't appreciate my wit? Why am I so obviously unloveable by someone who apparently adores everyone within her sphere - except me? I used to really let this stuff give me a complex. I would sit and stew and think of ways to show this person how AWESOME I am and how worthy of her attention. Except, I never follow through. Because, honestly, it would take too much effort. But that doesn't stop it from hurting my feelings, because I am neurotic like that.
My enlightenment came through my husband (as it often does). He caught me in a "Woe is me" state of mind after reading her multiple FB posts of praise. He asked what was wrong with me and I explained that I am obviously faulty in some respect because I do not have the love and admiration of this ONE person. He looked at me thoughtfully for a second and said, "But honey, you don't LIKE her. You don't hang out with her because she annoys you. It would be different if you really admired her, but you don't."
I took this with some dignity and retorted, "I know I don't like her, but how dare she NOT LIKE ME??? I am worthy of love and friendship too! I want to be a "cool kid" just like all these other people she hangs out with constantly."
My beloved laughed. He honestly laughed! He said, "Honey, you aren't a "cool kid" because you don't care to be. It's not important to you. The only time you ever worry about having friends and hanging out with people is when you read her posts about all her friends. Otherwise, you don't care. You are an introvert. You don't need people to make you happy. You are happiest when you are with us (hubby and child) or reading a book, preferably both, but that doesn't happen often. If you honestly needed that many friends around you all the time, you would make an effort to do it, but you don't, because you don't really care!"
Shocking isn't it? I started to come up with some snappy retort, but he is right. I don't care. The only time I am jealous of all her friends and relationships is when she is bragging about it on FB. So why do I allow it to hurt my feelings? Neurotic.
I let it go for awhile, until today, when I started stewing again. I have noticed a pattern. This person effusively praises others, is constantly doling out love and encouragement, but is also constantly begging for it. She will post every minor bump in her road as if it is a TRAGEDY! Then she basks in all her friends replies of how much they love her/pray for her/enjoy her company etc. It's like a soap opera. She doles it to them, they give it back. Humph. Perhaps if I doled it out, it would come back to me.
Except, I don't, because it would take to much effort to keep up with all the everyday tragedies I read about on FB. I'm not talking about real tragedies, death, serious illness, loss of job, etc. I'm talking about the everyday, ordinary crap that EVERYONE on earth deals with. I mean, who needs to know that I have a headache, or junior has a cold, or my faucet is dripping? It's called life, we all deal with it. I don't feel the need to broadcast it or ask for prayers over it. Perhaps I should, but I figure, we are all wading knee deep in crap, do we really need to keep each other posted? Isn't it enough that I will pour out my heart before God for you in times of REAL need? If your child is seriously sick, I will walk with you and fervently pray for healing. If someone you love is dying, I will cry real tears and beg for His mercies on you and your loved one. If you lose your job, I will lift you up continually until the perfect job comes to fruition. But if your faucet leaks, call a plumber!
My husband says I should just de-friend her. That seems harsh. Besides, it would hurt her feelings. Actually, "she" is a composite of several aquaintances past and present. Most of the time, when I see their names, I don't even read their posts. I just skip them and go on to others to others of more interest to me.
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